Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Dale's peer reviewed psych test

I was just subjected to a gruelling psychological analysis.

The answers are... Disturbing.

You can try this at home.

























My answer




























So what does it mean?

What is it all for??
How people see you-|-How you see yourself
-------------------------------------------
Your home life------|-Your career---------
-------------------------------------------
Your Sex life--------|-Your future---------

Ok, just to clarify, 'How I see myself' is a mystical spiral lollipop, and my career is symbolised by the rocket clock from Play School








Hasta Luego

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

For your viewing pleasure - MCMAP

So, MMA (Mixed Martial Arts, to those who don't know) is a totally awesome sport and I really enjoy watching it. While K-1 and Boxing tournaments have better striking, and pure grappling competitions will have better um... Grappling, what I really enjoy about MMA is that it is so unpredictable. I've seen guys who are significantly better fighters than their opponents lose.

Over the last couple of decades, MMA has really evolved as a sport, and at the highest levels, the fighters are world class athletes. Last year, UFC fighters Forrest Griffin, Rashad Evans, Gabriel Gonzaga, Marcus Davis, and a former Marine, Brian Stann, along with UFC president Dana White visited the Marine Corps base, for a little taste of how the Marine Corps trains.

...

*spoiler alert*

Marines train hard.

Part 1



Part 2



Part 3



Pretty rad, huh?

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Smileys

You know, smileys, emoticons, whatever, those little things in SMS' and online conversations that are supposed to tell people that you're smiling or laughing... Basically just adding another dimension of expression to a conversation.

Cool invention huh. Yeah, pretty cool...

Until they go wrong.

I use MSN messenger. I liked the old version better. Now I'm not saying this in a pretentious hipster douchetard way, it's more or less the same thing, and if it's any better than the old version I can't tell. It's probably more stable or something. The emoticons in the old version, however, didn't look like they were plotting to cut your face off in your sleep.




Oh, you thought I was exaggerating?

Look at it again.

"Don't turn your back on me."




This here is 'Sarcastic Smiley'. Sarcastic my ass. Sarcastically just slipped a roofie into your drink. I don't know whether or not it's the tilt of the eyebrow, or something else, but I don't feel safe around this smiley... Just... Get it away from me.




I don't know what the hell this is supposed to be... Angry... I suppose. But it just doesn't convey that emotion, y'know. The first time I saw this I thought "What the hell, this guy doesn't look angry..." And then I got to speculating.

Maybe he sleeps upside down, and is like, really happy at the moment.

Maybe someone drew a face on a slice of salami. They did it wrong.

Maybe he has heatstroke, and that's actually a pained grimace.

Either way, he needs help.




This is supposed to be 'vampire bat'. The animation is a vampire face morphing into a bat and flying away, but in this frame it looks like an egg.

This is the safest you'll feel for a while.

Insert bacon here -->


: ) haunts my dreams.




It is Jame Gumb. It is Alex Delarge. It is Legion. It is Hannibal, come to beat down your city's walls.

And I always forget... MSN is different now man... It has evil in it.

You'll be typing, and innocently put in :) and then BAM




You've invited it into your presence.

Surprise, Cindy.


I will enjoy watching you fail.


*heavy breathing*


It's everywhere.

I hope you listen to this warning. It's best that you learn from my mistakes, and don't repeat them.

Hasta Luego.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Navidad Salvadoreña

A question I get asked a lot here is 'how do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?'

I don't rightly know!! See, we always celebrated it El Salvador style at our place.

1. Make lots of food.

2. Visit friends and hang out.

Except we do it on the 24th.

The Average Aussie family does more or less the same thing, except on the 25th, and with more beach-ness... Right?

8 PM on the 24th, and I was on track to having a pretty crappy Christmas. My Grandma was pretty ill, and she was in hospital (no dramas folks, she's much better now, I'd say she's at 80%), and I was on Cracked.com catching up on the stuff I hadn't read.

Anyway, I got lucky and ended up celebrating Christmas El Salvador style, doing the rounds with my Great Uncle Toño and his family. It was awesome fun; I met his in-laws who were great fun. I had an absolute blast there =D

It was a familiar experience, except I felt a little bit removed from it; they were very welcoming, but Christmas away from home sucks.

After that we headed to my cousin Carlos' place, where we let off a bunch of firecrackers at midnight. I've never blown sh*t up before, I don't really have a taste for it. Those firecrackers are LOUD!! And when you put them next to each other they act like cluster bombs, throwing little packages that spread noise, smoke and bits of shredded newspaper everywhere. I felt like I was playing worms or something.

Ahhhhh that's all I have to say about that.

Miss you guys, see you soon!!

And Merry Christmas!!

Mariachis and market stalls

The Feast of the Virgin of Guadalupe was on the 12th (yeah this is really long overdue), who is the Patron Saint of the Americas. I personally don't think anyone in Latin America should be Catholic (or anywhere else really, but especially here), but as an anthropological exercise it was ok, I guess. Maybe. Not that I know anything about anthropology.



The cathedral where people gather to venerate her was absolutely packed. I've been in mosh pits at metal concerts that weren't as packed as that. I didn't actually get in either; wasn't really feeling the Mariachi music anyway.


A few quiet days; just buying stuff etc.



On Thursday I went to Lake Coatepeque in/near Santa Ana, with my Grandma and her friends from some cooking club.




I suggest you google it. Now.



You're welcome.



I'll post the rest of the photos later.


Saturday the 18th I went to Puerto de la Libertad, with my Grandma, Tia Irma and another relative, Lili. Great food, great views, poor place. There were a bunch of kids dancing in the sand. I was informed that they were doing it for money, and people were throwing coins in the sand for them to go pick up. Personally, I found that very unsettling on a few levels, but I took a photo then wrapped some quarters in a napkin (so they wouldn't bury themselves in the sand because of inertia) and threw it to them (we were 3 stories above them).


I had a brief conversation with a guy who had to flee the country in the early 80's, and is now working in an international shipping company or something. He was kind enough to take a photo of me and my family before we left. Sadly, our conversation had to be cut short (cause we left...), I wanted to hear more.


We looked around other areas of Puerto de la Libertad and I made an unsavoury discovery about this tourist district...


Mariachis


are fucking


Everywhere.


Seriously, fuck Mariachis.


Have you ever been having a meal with someone and then suddenly a band starts playing at full volume 27 centimeters from your head? It is impossible to have a seated conversation in Puerto de la Libertad, as there will be a Mariachi band within strangling distance. That band will be playing El Peluquero Salvatrucha.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPYye-zoFBY


Ok so that song is totally bitchin' and I never thought I would like a song that featured the accordion but hearing it 4 times in 3 minutes (bands playing simultaneously) will piss you off.


They're like locusts. They're like the locust. Or the flood.


One more gripe before I sign off


Markets.


The Freo Markets are great. You love them. Don't lie. Markets in El Salvador tend to have a bigger range and better prices but dammit the people who run them are RUDE!


I understand that they are trying to make a living in difficult conditions, so I'll excuse some of their behaviour completely. Namely, the annoying call of 'I'll give you a good price' or 'You look like you need...' etc etc. Even the yelling of their price at an annoyingly loud volume. Whatever, I can dig it.


There are three consistent and specific behaviours that really infuriate me though, and they are counterproductive too.


1. The face. Stay out of it. If I have to dodge you, because you are now in my way and you want to sell me something, you're too close. And those fish you've thrust in my eyes have questionable freshness. If I want fish, I'll look for you.


2. The wrists. KYFHO. I walked PAST your stall because it has nothing of interest for me. I'm not going to suddenly decide I need to buy a skirt just because you grabbed my wrist. It's always the girls who grab your wrist, and my mens intuition tells me that a lot of guys got punched in the mouth before a lesson was learned here. If your marketing style relies on a social taboo to avoid violence you're doing it wrong.


Number two goes especially for the kid who you pay to get on the microbus, this would be especially distressing to the elderly who might not be strong enough, or able to keep up with the bus long enough to remove themselves from the kid's grasp, and I know it happens cause it happened to my grandma.

As with Number 1, if I want transport, or womens clothes, I'll look for you.


3. The volume. TURN IT THE FUCK DOWN. Good news: I decided you have something I want. Now, I want to know how much it costs. But I can't hear you, because every stall (including yours) has the volume on some awful song cranked up TO THE MAX!! I have two theories.
a) People in markets can lipread amazingly well, except I usually have to repeat myself.
b) The volume is up as high as it goes to prevent people from haggling, except this is taking place in a Salvadoran market, and whoever thinks that might work should really know better.


Anyway, I hope that made you laugh.


Hasta Luego.

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

7/12/2010 - Homecoming tour part 3 - Waking up in El Salvador

Not copied from my journal, at the time.

I'll only relate a few experiences, as there are things to do, places to be, people to meet etc...

Yesterday I went to a tourist district in Las Palmas; a tourist town North West of San Salvador, close to the Honduran border. That place is hilly as bru. The town itself is very high up, and I'm not sure if it was the pressure, or perhaps the fact that I was tired from a um... Stomach upset, but I didn't feel so great up there. It was also bloody cold... Bloody windy... The drive itself took about 2 hours, and there were more changes in altitude than I've ever experienced in my life...

Oh, and drivers here are Craaaaaaaazy yo!!

On the way there were the kinds of sights you just won't see in Western Australia. I can't say for the Eastern States because I haven't been there, but it's sure aroused my interest...

Winding roads through valleys and over hills, absolutely stunning views... But also farmers who are dirt poor, shanty towns and lone shacks. Abandoned houses in the hills, which may or may not have been shot to pieces. Oh, and rivers. Of course I've seen The Avon and Swan Rivers in WA... But four rivers in one day (including the River Lempo)?

Four?!?

Unheard of.

I bought a whole bunch of Souveneirs in Las Palmas =D

Hasta Luego

4/12/2010 - Homecoming tour part 2 - Homecoming

(From my journal, at the time)

It's hard to figure out which direction you're facing when you're on a plane. LA to San Salvador was 4 hours, the sun rose over the Atlantic but I was facing the Pacific. We flew over Mexico; we might have flown over Honduras and Guatemala but I can't be sure. What I do know is that there were lots of fires in Mexico. Bonfires or something... I could see them from the plane, so they must have been pretty big; or maybe it was a trick of the light, with everything looking bright in comparison to the dark...

We flew over a city in a cove; the divisions between rich and poor could be seen, even at night, from a plane. Rich, coastline houses had large, bright lights. A little more inland and you have your people who are well off, with normal lights, I guess. The rest of the city was a fuzzy mass of lights; a perpetual brown out, I guess.

In this same city, as we nearly passed out of view, there was a very large explosion; about a seventh of the brown out area instantly lost power... The explosion must have been a power station, or substation or something. Tought times I guess... I hope they're ok.

From the sky, the low Salvadorean clouds hugged the terrain; like Icing on a cake, but more like a turbulent, whitewater river, flowing over rough rocks, and then frozen in time. A very striking image.

El Salvador is a hilly country; there are lots of hills. It looks like something out of smugglers run. It looks like parts of Farcry 2. It looks like Panau (wow I'm such a nerd). From what I saw from the sky, Salvadorean Beaches aint got shit on Australian beaches. Flying over the pacific, as we turned to land at the airport, I saw a lot of pollution. Not happy.

The first place my family took me to was to a church on a hill, overlooking some of the more dangerous parts of San Salvador; two out of the 14 districts. One hell of a view.

We made it home (Close to the base of the San Salvador Volcano. I want to climb it). I passed out for a few hours, and then my uncle took me to a shopping centre. It's maybe as big as Garden City, except with three or four floors, 8 times as many shops, and 8 times as many shoppers to fill them. Everything here is so compact.

Despite this, people don't seem to get in each other's way. There aren't as many of what I like to call 'Stupid walkers'; people who should be force fed walking lessons, or a bullet, because they don't know how to walk down a fucking sidewalk without getting in everyone's way.

None of them here.

Impressed.

1. It feels like I never left. I don't know how else to describe it. The sounds, the smells, there is an uncanny familiarity about all this, despite the differences, and the danger.

2. Gunsgunsguns. If I walk out the front door, turn right, then left then walk for 45 seconds there is a really good chance I'll see at least one guy holding a shotgun big enough to ride. There are lots of cops.

3. Compactness - but no bad walkers. For at least a month, bad walkers won't piss me off, and my health will thank me for it...

4. Razor wire. Bars. Every home is locked down tight. I've never seen anything like it.

Hasta Luego

Monday, December 06, 2010

3/12/2010 - Homecoming tour part 1 - Crossing the Pacific

(From my Journal, at the time)

So here I am, sitting in LAX, the first the first two legs of my journey to El Salvador completed. If I could take a plane back right now I would. I´m sleep deprived, frustrated and a little lonely.

The people here are so unfriendly, and it´s obvious to me that the bottom line to everything here, is money. Got too many bags? Use this trolley for 4 dollars... Wanna sit down? You can share these four couches with the whole airport, or use our lounge, entry, 25 dollars.

Seriously, America?

Seriously?

Observations I've made today.

1. Flying sucks. Not moving for 12 hours on the Sydney to LAX (with the wonderful reward of having to be in LAX)... 'nuff said.

2. American customs are cocks.
'Do you understand English?'
'Ummm... Yeah.'
'WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU FILL THIS FIELD IN THIS FORM WITH 'TRANSIT TO EL SALVADOR'??!?'
'Because it asks for my US Residential Address, and I DON'T HAVE a US Residential Address.'

Fuck head.

3. Everyone in LAX Speaks spanish.

4. LA is a hole. Oh, sure, it looks real nice in the movies. I'd like to know how much it costs to filter out all the smog on film. Visibility there is at best, a kilometer. The air tastes like shit and cordite. You can't see the city from the plane, and as we were taking off I thought it was raining.

Gross.

Hasta Luego.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Urbandictionary is a piece of shit

... Whoah is that the time!!

Last time I made a post I was talking 'bout right and wrong, but I won't be writing a post about Theology this semester. Cause it's boring.

So. Urbandictionary. Define your world. Always good for a laugh. I've been subscribing to their word of the day for time immemorial. Since April 4 2006. Damn :/ That's 1521 urbanwords...

Ok so I love urbandictionary. But like any open source um document, you get inane content.
For example...

HPOA

hot piece of ass.

yo, did you see that guy?! he sure is a HPOA.

dangggg gurl, she's a HPOA. i bet her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

Ok I'll pay that.

Ineption

Completely inept at understanding the film, Inception.

You don't understand Christopher Nolan's latest masterpiece? Talk about ineption.

A wise man once said - He who would pun would pick a pocket. This same guy ended up pulling musket shot out of his own ribcage on the Galapagos islands. You should listen to him.

Hit the slide

To quit one's job in truly stunning fashion.

Steven Slater was fed up of working for a--holes, so he hit the slide.


Oooh. News inspired. Edgy. Actually not so bad, except I had to look that up. It's only been two weeks and no one knows who the fuck Steven Slater is already. Douchebag.

Bragplaining

When you complain about something for the sole purpose of brining it up in conversation to brag about it.

Man, I'm only getting 10MB/s download speed. Normally I get at least 15.

Quit bragplaining. We all know you're just bitching to show off.

Ok if I ever hear anyone using this ever, I'm cutting their hands off.

Battery Bank

An extra bill of higher denomination set aside for emergency funds. usually stored under the battery of a cellular phone.

I was running low on cash and had to float on my battery bank until payday.

... This is actually a pretty good idea...

Book Google

When you need to figure out something, so you look it up in a book, like in the olden times, when dinosaurs ruled the earth.

Guy 1: Quick! What's the definiton of "callow?"

Guy 2: I don't know! My iPhone 4 doesn't get signal here!

Guy 3: Book google that shit!

This is pretty insipid, but totally plausible. I bet someone had already used this without being ironic, well before I saw it... It's still fuckin dumb though.

Run and tell that

Meaning to go spread the word. To let it be known. To go tell everyone quickly.

After Antoine Dodson, a young hero from Huntsville, AL, saved his sister from an attack he left a public message for the perp letting him know that this wasn't the end of the story, and that he would be caught.

Antoine- "You don't have to come and confess. We looking for you. We gon' find you, so you can run and tell that! Homeboy!"

Now that's more fucking like it!! (I'm not kidding). This is hysterical!!

Ok back to business.

Post Block Syndrome

Similar to writers block only in the context of social networking sites. Unable to come up with post worthy content.

After logging into facebook and staring at the screen unable to post, I realized I was suffering from post block syndrome.

I had spent all day waiting with baited breath for my urbanword of the day and I get that? I would have had a rage aneurysm but my theology unit has conditioned my brain to stupidity. Seriously. The other day I watched Kochie do some election coverage and it took me three full minutes before I remembered he needs a bullet.

OMJ

As known to the Jonas Brothers fans, it would be stood for 'Oh My Jonas!'

but if you put OMJJ or OMNJ, it would be like Oh My Joe Jonas or Oh My Nick Jonas.

"OMJ is Nick dating Miley again??"
"OMJ I sure hope not!"

... Rage Aneurysm.

...

Seriously, have you considered how much this person must just straight up... Not give a fuck to put that in front of another human being's eyeballs?
...

Alternatively, there are people out there who actually say this. Just think about that for a minute.

Suction Seat

The name given to the chair infront of your computer that you sit on to go on line. Once seated in it and going on line (facebook, aol, google, news, etc) it sucks you in to a much longer period of time than you planned.

I call my computer chair my SUCTION SEAT because although I only planned to be on line for 20 minutes, when I looked at the clock after finishing, I was on line for 2 1/2 hours!

Y'know I can totally relate to this. I wouldn't be surprised if this seat has a subtle imprint of my ass on it.

Half and Half and Half

A type of coffee so diluted by sugar, cream or milk that it no longer tastes like coffee, instead like milk and sugar, and has a beige or light brown color to it. The drink is typically concocted by those who want to appear as if they are drinking coffee but despise the taste.

Anne: Carrol is such a coffee poser, she'll only fill her mug with coffee halfway before she drowns it in milk and sugar.

Jill: Yeah, i hate the taste of her half and half and half.

... People wanting to appear as if they're drinking coffee is a thing now? Judging people on their coffee is a thing now??

I think I found a picture of the tortured soul who gave us this literary gem.



Hasta Luego

Monday, May 17, 2010

The ethics of capital punishment

Capital punishment is something of a divisive issue. Up until 1995 in Australia, a clear majority of people unequivocally supported it, yet it was abolished in 1967.

The reason I don't support it is because some of the people who are executed have been innocent. It has happened, and it will happen again, if it continues.

However, some moral philosophies would actually find the practise morally permissible.

Allow me to clarify, with a hypothetical situation, a thought experiment, if you will.

Clearly, ethicists cannot be for a system which occasionally takes an innocent life, so let's eliminate cases where doubt is a factor. Let's move to hypothetical land, where I am tall, and there I'll describe a situation where a utilitarian ethicist (Utilitarian ethics is what best describes my default setting) might support capital punishment.

Let's say 'Marty' is a serial killer. Last week he walked into a dining establishment with a semiautomatic rifle and started shooting. He killed 35 people and wounded 21. The massacre was premeditated. When he was caught, he was judged fit to stand trial, and freely confessed, so he wasn't under duress. Even if he hadn't pleaded guilty there were more than enough witnesses and more than enough evidence to convict him with little trouble, which may have been the deciding factor in his confession.

'Marty' will always be a danger to society. He's intelligent enough to plan a massacre, and detached enough from humanity to not really care about human life or suffering. Release is not a possibility for him, and it will cost the state $100, 000 a year to keep him detained. That $100, 000 could be used for the care and rehabilitation of other prisoners, or it could be used in the healthcare system.

Basically, from a utilitarian perspective (Aiming at the greatest good for the greatest number of people), it would be far more efficient to give 'Marty' the death penalty. There is no hope for him.

With me so far?

So here we are in hypothetical land, where anything is possible, even the Dockers winning a Grand Final (Dockers, as a Freo boy, I love ya, but fucking win, will you?). We've described a situation where it is morally permissible to pass the death penalty. While it isn't morally obligatory, it would sure as hell be more efficient.

Basically, what has been proven is that in some (overly specific) circumstances, the death penalty is morally permissible.

Ok so now we're still in hypothetical land, when some hypothetical lawyers walk in. They say "We're not gonna touch this one with a 50ft pole. Sorry."

Why not?

The problem with the principle of capital punishment is that it places the responsibility of the accused person's death on the legal system. The judges, the lawyer, etc etc etc. Let's go to another part of hypothetical land, just over the hills of implausible, next to the lake of outlandish.

You and I are going on a trip on a big bus with 50 other people. We're all just hanging out and you go roast some marshmallows, meanwhile I decide to kill someone. There's a big scuffle, and at the end of it, I'm restrained, and the other 47 people all decide that I should die.

You get back with a twig with some toasted marshmallows impaled on it, and everyone fills you in. They say "He must be killed!! He's a danger to us all!! ... You do it."

It's giving the legal system responsibility without power.

It's unfair, and thus unethical. I don't think we can fault the legal system of hypothetical land for not wanting the blood of the guilty on their hands. And the first person to volunteer for the job... Should be under surveillance.

Now if we interpolate these two results (blood on your hands + some of it's innocent) and apply them to real life - I don't think we can fault the legal system of Australia for refusing to have blood on their hands.

Here's another question - Is imprisonment "At the Governor's pleasure" deterrent enough for greivous crimes?

Let's ask Martin Bryant, who has tried to commit suicide 6 times now.

EDIT - EAVB_HYJAMVZAFJ

Hasta Luego.